let's take a minute to be honest here. very honest. we all love facebook (yes, even you). and for those of us who are currently single, facebook is most certainly a means of finding your next crush. allow us to educate those who may not be familiar with how you turn a facebook crush into a real life one. from the first profile view to the first encounter, all the way to the first date, we have been there multiple times and consider ourselves experts on facebook stalking. after you read this, you may want to update your profile... you never know who may be looking ;)
first encounter:
spot an attractive person of the opposite sex that looks awfully familiar. wait. they are familiar. why? because you already know them. how? from clicking through multiple profiles and tagged pictures and somehow months ago ending up on their facebook page. since then, its been a favorite to check. daily. you just want to know what they're doing, right? you can confidently say you know what their favorite band is, where they went for labor day, and if you're lucky, what they look like without their shirt on (we've all got a little shallow in us). control yourself. it's almost like seeing a celebrity the first time you spot them in real life. be aware of your surroundings... their friends could be anywhere, and things could go downhill quickly if they overhear you say,"look! its _____ from facebook!"
first conversation:
make eye contact. begin a fake conversation with your friends that makes you look fun. tell a joke, make a noise, anything so your brilliant smile is flashing in said crush's direction. even if you're totally, boring...fake it 'til you make it.
if they do not approach you, return to facebook stalking. if approached, please proceed.
a long awaited, real life conversation begins. the next part is vital. you do not already know their name. "forget" it during the conversation if you have to. you do not know where they live, where they're from or their birthday...and year. pretend you never knew they went out of the country to China, or that you've seen every picture from that trip. pretend you don't know where they served their mission, or that your sister's friend is married to one of their past companions. make sure you don't refer to them as the nickname you and your friends have given them ( like the boy you dubbed "stamos" because he looks like uncle jesse from full house).
first number exchange:
once again, control yourself. don't allow them to realize that this moment is beyond exciting to you. or that you have been planning it in your head...for months. don't text them first. unless you're a guy. then you should be texting them right now. what are you waiting for?
cue texting:
finally you receive the text from facebook crush. use caution in regards to what information you learned during the first convo and what you learned from people's comments on their wall when you're texting. if you do not, the situation could get very sticky. spell out your a-game. good texting is key to getting a date with said facebook crush.
the long awaited friend request:
congratulations! you're now official facebook friends! this is a big deal. don't be disappointed when you accept and realize you already knew all of the information that you now have socially acceptable access to. try not to get too jealous of all the members of the opposite sex they are in tagged photos with. your time will come.
first date:
you're on your own from here. girls, take your time in putting on that adorable outfit you've thought about wearing on this very special occasion. boys, get creative....and wear cologne. good luck! and if it doesn't work out, don't worry. there are over 400 million facebook users. we have confidence you will find someone new to cyber stalk.
kisses&disses:
kisses:
-there are over 400 million users on facebook.
-pre screening potential dating candidates. thank you facebook for helping us eliminate people based off of completely superficial reasons.
disses:
-people who don't have facebook. who the f do you think you are??
-people who do not post their relationship status. deceit and wasted hours of stalking.
post script.
on your next facebook break, please look at this really awesome blog! more of why they are our favorites coming soon!
absolutely love the blog!
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