let's take a minute to be honest here. very honest. we all love facebook (yes, even you). and for those of us who are currently single, facebook is most certainly a means of finding your next crush. allow us to educate those who may not be familiar with how you turn a facebook crush into a real life one. from the first profile view to the first encounter, all the way to the first date, we have been there multiple times and consider ourselves experts on facebook stalking. after you read this, you may want to update your profile... you never know who may be looking ;)
first encounter:
spot an attractive person of the opposite sex that looks awfully familiar. wait. they are familiar. why? because you already know them. how? from clicking through multiple profiles and tagged pictures and somehow months ago ending up on their facebook page. since then, its been a favorite to check. daily. you just want to know what they're doing, right? you can confidently say you know what their favorite band is, where they went for labor day, and if you're lucky, what they look like without their shirt on (we've all got a little shallow in us). control yourself. it's almost like seeing a celebrity the first time you spot them in real life. be aware of your surroundings... their friends could be anywhere, and things could go downhill quickly if they overhear you say,"look! its _____ from facebook!"
first conversation:
make eye contact. begin a fake conversation with your friends that makes you look fun. tell a joke, make a noise, anything so your brilliant smile is flashing in said crush's direction. even if you're totally, boring...fake it 'til you make it.
if they do not approach you, return to facebook stalking. if approached, please proceed.
a long awaited, real life conversation begins. the next part is vital. you do not already know their name. "forget" it during the conversation if you have to. you do not know where they live, where they're from or their birthday...and year. pretend you never knew they went out of the country to China, or that you've seen every picture from that trip. pretend you don't know where they served their mission, or that your sister's friend is married to one of their past companions. make sure you don't refer to them as the nickname you and your friends have given them ( like the boy you dubbed "stamos" because he looks like uncle jesse from full house).
first number exchange:
once again, control yourself. don't allow them to realize that this moment is beyond exciting to you. or that you have been planning it in your head...for months. don't text them first. unless you're a guy. then you should be texting them right now. what are you waiting for?
cue texting:
finally you receive the text from facebook crush. use caution in regards to what information you learned during the first convo and what you learned from people's comments on their wall when you're texting. if you do not, the situation could get very sticky. spell out your a-game. good texting is key to getting a date with said facebook crush.
the long awaited friend request:
congratulations! you're now official facebook friends! this is a big deal. don't be disappointed when you accept and realize you already knew all of the information that you now have socially acceptable access to. try not to get too jealous of all the members of the opposite sex they are in tagged photos with. your time will come.
first date:
you're on your own from here. girls, take your time in putting on that adorable outfit you've thought about wearing on this very special occasion. boys, get creative....and wear cologne. good luck! and if it doesn't work out, don't worry. there are over 400 million facebook users. we have confidence you will find someone new to cyber stalk.
kisses&disses:
kisses:
-there are over 400 million users on facebook.
-pre screening potential dating candidates. thank you facebook for helping us eliminate people based off of completely superficial reasons.
disses:
-people who don't have facebook. who the f do you think you are??
-people who do not post their relationship status. deceit and wasted hours of stalking.
post script.
on your next facebook break, please look at this really awesome blog! more of why they are our favorites coming soon!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
stupid is as stupid texts.
guess what?! l went on a date saturday. on sunday morning she received this text. this text is not from the boy she went on the date with. it was from an unnamed boy she hung out with on thursday night. guess he was on a date this weekend too??
kisses&disses:
kisses:
-there are no kisses given out this week. blog kind or real kind.
disses:
-here's an idea! why don't you proofread your spelling. and while you're at it, check to make sure you're sending your texts to the right girl. i "fill" like i'm living a teenage dream nightmare.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
the "grenade"
because one of the members of hackberry place was a resident of new jersey for much of her young life, terms from the show jersey shore are frequently used... constantly might be a more appropriate word.. ok, so l is wearing a GTL shirt right now. the jersey shore phrase we want to educate our readers on today is "taking the grenade."
urbandictionary.com defines the grenade as an "a guy/girl that you're not interested in who is jumped on for the sake of your friends." ... similar to the times of war when the enemy tosses a grenade over the lines and a comrade jumps on it to ensure the safety of others. used in a sentence: come on dude, you owe me, i took the grenade last time.
if jordin sparks didn't make this clear to everyone, love is a battlefield. and the battlefield is full of eligible bachelors and their less than desirable roommates/coworkers/high school friends/frat bros/dog sitters, etc.. known as grenades. we will now share with you l&c's most recent encounter with an ever-dreaded"grenade."
it was a hot arizona july night. l&c were sweating (while maintaining their adorable appearance - alliteration, 2 points) on a front lawn of a house party. ghetto. c was lovestruck the second she saw "maroon 5". she didn't mind spending every day outside his window in the pouring raaaaain. wait. we're in arizona. it's a desert, it doesn't rain. but she did think "m5" was hot.. and older.. and hot.. and funny... and did we mention hot?? anyway, "m5"'s roommate ("flip phone") wasn't mad about meeting l. in fact, within 15 minutes of meeting her, he had maneuvered her number into his flip phone address book (red flag #624 - you'd be surprised how smooth a guy with a flip phone is at getting digits) and was texting her the next day. unfortunately for c, "m5" had an iphone, and maybe he was new to the apple world? but he didn't quite have the skills that "flip phone" did at getting digits. and so the texting between l and "fp" commenced. and it was annoying. l was completely disinterested in "fp", but by responding, and l keeping in touch, the potential of c seeing "m5" again increased. and because that's what good roommates do: sacrifice their time and texts to help their roommate find true love, i.e., "take the grenade."
after weeks of l suffering, looking at her phone still waiting for "bP" to call, and only getting texts from the dreaded "fp", a double date was arranged. it was going to happen. c, the beauty queen of only 18 (ok, 22), was finally going to see "m5."
c spent hours making sure she looked perfect for the big night. l, on the other hand, took her time checking facebook, blogs of random families, sports scores, researching owl migration patterns, and doing anything to avoid getting ready for this date. five minutes prior to pick-up, l threw on some jeans and ran a straightener through her hair.
the date was fun. l rode in the front of the truck with "fp", while c and "m5" got cozy in the back. that's not true. c could have sworn there was a soundtrack to her date which had maroon 5 songs on repeat. "m5" was everything she thought he would be, but by the end of the night, he still didn't have her number. the front of the truck date was not the same as the back of the truck date. l spent her evening warding off "fp" advances, and doing her roommate duty of taking the grenade. l may or may not agree that the date was fun... c wrote this paragraph.
it's been a few weeks since that magical evening. "fp" to this day continues to pursue l. c, who's digits never made it into the iphone, spotted "m5" and his new girlfriend at dinner yesterday. have you heard the new maroon 5 song, misery?
kisses&disses
kisses:
- adam levine is hot.
- a roommate who takes the grenade. everyone has to make the sacrifice sometime. have YOU done any good in the world today?
- owls migration patterns are nomadic and irregular. kind of like our dating lives. and lauren's period. kidding. love, c
disses:
- guys with flip phones. allow us to introduce you to the 21st century, where phones have internet, touch screens, and don't require you to pull up an antenna to get service. can you hear me now? good.
- outdoor parties. in july. in arizona. don't have them. leave immediately if you end up at one.
------
in other news, the lead singer of lfo died today. let's take a moment to remember our summer girls who look like abercrombie&fitch models, and thank the man who put our memories to lyrics. rest in peace rich cronin. when you meet st. peter, tell him your name is rich... but stop there.
urbandictionary.com defines the grenade as an "a guy/girl that you're not interested in who is jumped on for the sake of your friends." ... similar to the times of war when the enemy tosses a grenade over the lines and a comrade jumps on it to ensure the safety of others. used in a sentence: come on dude, you owe me, i took the grenade last time.
if jordin sparks didn't make this clear to everyone, love is a battlefield. and the battlefield is full of eligible bachelors and their less than desirable roommates/coworkers/high school friends/frat bros/dog sitters, etc.. known as grenades. we will now share with you l&c's most recent encounter with an ever-dreaded"grenade."
it was a hot arizona july night. l&c were sweating (while maintaining their adorable appearance - alliteration, 2 points) on a front lawn of a house party. ghetto. c was lovestruck the second she saw "maroon 5". she didn't mind spending every day outside his window in the pouring raaaaain. wait. we're in arizona. it's a desert, it doesn't rain. but she did think "m5" was hot.. and older.. and hot.. and funny... and did we mention hot?? anyway, "m5"'s roommate ("flip phone") wasn't mad about meeting l. in fact, within 15 minutes of meeting her, he had maneuvered her number into his flip phone address book (red flag #624 - you'd be surprised how smooth a guy with a flip phone is at getting digits) and was texting her the next day. unfortunately for c, "m5" had an iphone, and maybe he was new to the apple world? but he didn't quite have the skills that "flip phone" did at getting digits. and so the texting between l and "fp" commenced. and it was annoying. l was completely disinterested in "fp", but by responding, and l keeping in touch, the potential of c seeing "m5" again increased. and because that's what good roommates do: sacrifice their time and texts to help their roommate find true love, i.e., "take the grenade."
after weeks of l suffering, looking at her phone still waiting for "bP" to call, and only getting texts from the dreaded "fp", a double date was arranged. it was going to happen. c, the beauty queen of only 18 (ok, 22), was finally going to see "m5."
c spent hours making sure she looked perfect for the big night. l, on the other hand, took her time checking facebook, blogs of random families, sports scores, researching owl migration patterns, and doing anything to avoid getting ready for this date. five minutes prior to pick-up, l threw on some jeans and ran a straightener through her hair.
the date was fun. l rode in the front of the truck with "fp", while c and "m5" got cozy in the back. that's not true. c could have sworn there was a soundtrack to her date which had maroon 5 songs on repeat. "m5" was everything she thought he would be, but by the end of the night, he still didn't have her number. the front of the truck date was not the same as the back of the truck date. l spent her evening warding off "fp" advances, and doing her roommate duty of taking the grenade. l may or may not agree that the date was fun... c wrote this paragraph.
it's been a few weeks since that magical evening. "fp" to this day continues to pursue l. c, who's digits never made it into the iphone, spotted "m5" and his new girlfriend at dinner yesterday. have you heard the new maroon 5 song, misery?
kisses&disses
kisses:
- adam levine is hot.
- a roommate who takes the grenade. everyone has to make the sacrifice sometime. have YOU done any good in the world today?
- owls migration patterns are nomadic and irregular. kind of like our dating lives. and lauren's period. kidding. love, c
disses:
- guys with flip phones. allow us to introduce you to the 21st century, where phones have internet, touch screens, and don't require you to pull up an antenna to get service. can you hear me now? good.
- outdoor parties. in july. in arizona. don't have them. leave immediately if you end up at one.
------
in other news, the lead singer of lfo died today. let's take a moment to remember our summer girls who look like abercrombie&fitch models, and thank the man who put our memories to lyrics. rest in peace rich cronin. when you meet st. peter, tell him your name is rich... but stop there.
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