to everything, there is a time.

timing. it's a funny thing really. because in dating, it is everything. clearly, we are not experts on this subject, considering the fact that we have not updated this blog in almost a month. our sincere apologies. it wasn't that we did not want to blog, the timing just wasn't right. out of our control. we digress. the past few weeks have given us the opportunity to dwell on this topic and gain a thorough understanding of it through our adventures.

in meeting.
right place, right time. really, is there much more to say? yes, keep reading. if you want to meet someone, you have to put yourself out there. hanging out with your same high school or college friends is not going to introduce you to anyone new. if you are looking to date someone you need to look outside of your current social circle. unless you are going to wait around for that one guy you've had a crush on since elementary school who is actually not even that cute, but the fact that he doesn't want you back has built him up to be the man of your dreams. ummm he never dated anyone in high school, in fact, he's still not dating anyone. are you really still waiting for him to come around? you are the rule, not the exception. and he might be gay. just saying. back to the subject...there is a catch. just because you are putting yourself out there doesn't necessarily mean that a party of interest is on the same page. hence, the timing title of this blog. story time! recently l&c were at a social event and found not one, but two very cute and very approachable guys. jackpot! this story is actually really sad. l&c decided to be brave and put on their rally hats and strike up a convo with these two. remember when we said that they seeeeeemed approachable? wrong. after five minutes of small talk the boys walked away. we mean literally looked at us, looked at one another and said "let's go check the score" and were never seen again. good riddance. we can take a hint. goodbye gay boys (hangover). what we are trying to say is that when the timing is right, that person will be standing right in front of you. at least someone will, we are not guaranteeing mr/ms right. but the person in front of you will want to to talk to you and won't walk away, at least not without your phone number. just hope that you like the person and you want them standing in front of you. unlike the guy who was talking l's ear off after institute last week about star wars, ponies, and how he is naming his child chuck. after chuck bartowski. yikes.

in dating.
first date: goes well. second date: thumbs up. third date: decision time. this is the point in time where you need to decide if you want to pursue this person. and by pursue, we don't mean delete all other girl's phone numbers out of their phone and pick children's names. we just mean do you want to date them? don't get ahead of yourselves. this is where timing is key. if you are at a point in your life where you are looking for fun and only fun, and so are they...congratulations! you have found yourself a match. same rule applies if you are both looking for something serious and maybe want to pick out some kids names. unfortunately, it isn't very often that your life plans line up. story time! during c's time in the desert she came across the perfect little gent. and when we say perfect, we mean it. if she were to have a checklist, (not confirming or denying that she doesn't) he fit all the criteria. for story telling purposes we will refer to this young man as mr. perfect aka mr. p.  he was handsome, he made her laugh, super smart and made her feel like a lady. (take hints people. and by people we mean boys...if anyone ever leaves our convo to check "the score" again...) the catch? c was not ready for mr. p. why? because c was still moving on from someone else who was definitely not mr. perfect. she tried and tried for months to make it work and what we learned from this is, no matter how hard you try...it's not gonna happen if the timing isn't right. we just got really serious. but timing is a serious matter.

breaking up
the timing is never right for breaking up.

what we are trying to convey to you all is that you need to determine where you fall into this equation.  are you looking for fun? (we have enough of you. stay away.) are you looking to get into a relationship? please decide that before you put that sweet little girl or the good guy's feelings on the line. unless of course, you want to receive a text message telling you what the "mature thing to do" is in the situation. l would post it, but you've seen enough of her texts. ;)

so readers, turn off dancing with the stars and try to only watch two football games on saturday instead of all of them. by doing so, you will have some time to get out there and meet someone new. be brave. be confident. don't be creepy. remember what you stand for. return with honor. don't do drugs. and ctr. and by right we mean mr/ms right. do it.




kisses&disses:

kisses:
-mr. p. you are one of the good ones.
-ctr.
-your patience during our three week hiatus. we were busy dressing like mice and picking up lifeguards.
-kittens inspired by kittens on youtube. its life changing. watch it. and she has a wolf tattoo on her forearm. awesome.

disses:
-boys, please, we beg you. stop just texting the girls. give them what they want and deserve...a date.
-leaving a conversation to "check the score". if we ever see these fools again...well, we don't know exactly what we would do...but it wouldn't be nice.
-bad timing: not an excuse to send l mean text messages.

slow your roll, gents.

remember when we said we were going to blog about pda? well we found something better. from someone we wouldn't mind having a little pda with. his name is 'el capitan'. for those of you who don't speak spanish...that means 'the captain.' he has given us advice in many situations (what to say back to a text, how to act on a date, how long to wait before returning a call, etc..) and we listen. this classy, smooth talker knows what he's doing and can shed some light on many dating scenarios.  we have invited him to guest blog and know that you won't be disappointed. without further ado....

So you ladies think guys are mysterious?  And that we like to play the games?  Well, I offer a different opinion, not saying it is totally the right one, but a pretty legit opinion for sure… I mean, I know people… and I’m a guy.

Let me break it down as simple as I can for you.  First, the movie “he’s just not that into you.” Well, sadly it is pretty much the truth!  Unless the dude is smart, and recognizes that you might be into games, and figures he can play right along with you, and maybe beat you at the game, and gain control…  and then he realizes, you are better than him. :)

 

Second, guys are simple. We like to be around girls, laugh with them, hold them, smell them, and as often as possible kiss them.  I don’t mind at all when I get home at night and I smell my clothes and they have the scent of beautiful women, in fact, I love it!  We want to be with girls almost all the time, except in my case when an important game is on.  No offense ladies, but when my team is playing, I need to be focused. I need to let this emotion take me where it is going to take me.  Hey, you’ve got a 50/50 chance I’m gonna be super happy after.  Some years are better than others. Years like this one, we just have to learn how to deal with defeat and find pleasure in other things, like you!  But during the game isn’t the time to have “the talk” or discuss other trivial matters, which is anything not related to the game at that moment.  

Third, games… we don’t like to play 'em. Well, not of the emotional variety... sport games or x games, yes.  Emotional ones just make us confused and want to go back to playing more football. 

But let me explain something to the guys, if you are a true player, and you play to win, to win that girls heart, you must indulge in a little bit of game playing.  So let me break this down for you all, at least for the fellas sake…

In dating we all play games, at least to a certain extent.  And let’s be honest, they must be played.  We can’t throw all our cards on the table after one date and say hey, this is me, I like you, let’s do this… when’s the wedding?  As mentioned in l&c's earlier post, the ladies love the mystery.  They love the bad boy, and unfortunately, they don’t always like to be treated with respect or like a lady.  They want to be played a little, teased a bit.  They hate it when a guy doesn’t call, or doesn’t text and keeps them guessing, or keeps them up at night wondering what is going on, what are you doing???  But it’s that hate that drives them to love.  Because they want to be the one to break through, they want to tame you, they want to be the exception!  Have you ever seen Man from Snowy River?...  If they have you figured out, and can read you like a book and you are totally predictable, you might as well be as boring as a RM fresh off of his mission.  Sad to say, but not many girls are looking for that guy.  At least not too many girls reading this blog.

Guys, let me break it down for you.  If Ron Burgundy didn’t teach you anything, let me recap it for you… Best pickup line ever… “I wanna be on you.”  Try it.  I mean, 60% of the time, it works every time!  Ok, seriously though, guys, SLOW YOUR ROLL…  what happens when a train goes too fast down the track? It derails, crashes and burns, and so will you! So let me explain this.  As I mentioned before, women love the mystery.  If you got a girls number at a party, and you’ve already texted her by the time you left that party, you’ve lost. You stole the mystery right out of her heart. You are now boring and totally predictable, and she is in total control!  Aka, in girl speak, she’s just not that into you…  You need to wait, slow that roll...  yep, the old rule of 72 hours still exists, guys.  Wait 48 to 72 hours before you text, call, OR friend request.  It’s just long enough to make them wonder if you forgot about them, but not too long that they forget about you.  Start off playful, no serious stuff please!  Leave all the lame "get to know you" crap to your first or second date. If you want this to go anywhere you’ve got to show your sense of humor, show you are clever, thoughtful, and all that fun stuff.  I like to call this "flexting" (flirt/texting).  Spice it up a bit, but keep it appropriate (most of the time), you don’t want her thinking you’re a creep.  Oh, and don’t text 24/7. Give it a rest after a bit and let a day or two go by before you start back up again.  Then eventually get around to asking her out on a date.  Don’t do it too quick.  You’ve got to make her wonder whether or not you are going to seriously ask her out and pursue her, or if she is just another girl you are going to text, flirt and possibly invite over for a movie…  Haha, grow up dude, take the lady out on a date!

If l&c have me back, I’ll try to break out some first date wisdom on y'all.  Maybe mix in a horror story here n there.  Until then, slow your roll gents!

we can assure you of one thing. the captain will be back. and we hope you are ready for more.

a match made in heaven.

remember our post about facebook stalking? well, there is another form of internet stalking we'd like to introduce our readers to today. blog stalking. this type of internet creeping provides us insight into the lives of families, decorators, photographers, musicians, newlyweds, owl migration researchers, etc. etc. more often than not, the subjects we stalk are people we do not know. just like all of you people reading this who have never met l or c or l&c. creep ;) often they are people who you never think you would come across in real life. although that was not the case for l as she stood in line at a restaurant on main st. in mesa and recognized a baby. not because it was one of her friends children or because she is involved in the east valley baby sitting circuit, but because for months she had been blog stalking this family she had never met. and when we say recognize, we mean she knew the baby's name, the mom's name, how old the baby was and how much the baby weighed at birth. hilarious. we digress. the point of this post is to share with you a blog we are confident that you will now stalk as well.

for a little while...okay months, we stalked this one blog in particular. it provided us with beauty tips, outfit ideas, how to blow dry our hair properly (we were hot messes before) and so many more fun fashion facts (alliteration - 3 points). eventually, there came a point in time where we decided that it would be appropriate to take this relationship to the next level. no, we didn't find out where they lived or drive past their house, we simply hired them to beautify us.

our friend annie randall, found here, who is an uhmaaazing photographer (you seriously need to blog stalk her as well), was doing a roommate photo shoot for us (let's be honest, we just wanted new profile pictures). and so it seemed that we had the perfect reason to meet mrs. courtney rogers and mrs. hillary darner. they are the creators of the blog we stalked.  they come highly recommended by yours truly and can be found here.


without further ado, here is the sum of l&c + h&c + miss annie =

match made in heaven. 

kisses&disses:

kisses:

-h&c, thanks for enlightening us on how 'awesome' pregnancy is going to be. 

-red sofas in the desert. they look so good. and so does annie randall.

-coons bluff. wouldn't that be a really great place to propose to a girl? anyone? guitar hero?

disses:

-besides the fact that hillary and courtney are not on our payroll to always make us look this glam, we have no complaints. 

the good, the bad and the...we try to stick with handsome.

last week we had the opportunity to attend a city league basketball game. there was a red team and a blue team. we will refer to them from here on out as the bloods and the crips...the only reason we knew the proper spelling for crip was because c read a book on gangs. true story. anyways, we were cheering for the bloods. this team was composed of attractive, clean cut, young professional, returned missionary-ish, boys. any girl would be lucky to have one of these boys as her own. were we giving them our undivided attention? no. we kept getting distracted by the scruffy, tatted up crips who definitely spent the majority of their high school years in ISS or ditching class like it was their job. why you may ask? that is what we are here to discuss. 

it is the proverbial question: why do good girls like bad guys? 

well, we really aren't sure so i guess we'll move onto the next subject. just kidding. in all seriousness, this is something that baffles girls and guys alike. 

we have created a list of some of the reasons girls are drawn to these types of boys:

their appearance

tattoos: optional. piercings: most likely. do they own a razor: questionable. there is just something about a rough exterior that makes us hope and cross our fingers and pray that they have a less abrasive interior. generally, that is not the case. and by generally we mean usually. and by usually we mean always. think of it this way girls: none of the above listed traits look good standing next to an anthropologie dress.

their reputation

'he don't give a d8%$# about his bad reputation.' but seriously. there is a growing number of boys in the east valley who sell things. including themselves. it's sort of like a club. they recruit and train their members to gtl, play 'the game' and live the dream. their relationship statuses on facebook have been single for years. they are tagged in thousands of pictures (we're not joking and they all have like 1,000 tagged pictures) with girls, who are each hoping to be the exception. news flash ladies: you are the rule. whether this is really who they are or not, it is who they are perceived to be. bug boy=bad boy. so be it.

their attitude

attitude of gratitude? definitely not. they get girls and are not quick to be a gentleman. c came across a well renowned jerk, aka a bad boy, her sophomore year of college. (for all of those back in the sooner state, we are confident that you know exactly who we are referring to) if you spent enough time around him you would start to believe what he thought of himself...that he was far superior to those around him. these bad boys are kind of like cult leaders. no, seriously. we took the time to look up characteristics of cult leaders. "cult leaders have an outstanding ability to charm and win over followers. they beguile and seduce. they enter a room and garner all the attention. they command the utmost respect and obedience. these are individuals whose narcissism is so extreme and grandiose that they exist in a kind of splendid isolation in which the creation of the grandiose self takes precedence over legal, moral or interpersonal commitments." anyway, they're tricky. and although c did her best to avoid this bad boy for years, she did in fact end up joining his cult... but not for long.

now that we have listed some of the really great qualities that make these guys so special, we sit back and ask ourselves again, why would a girl in an anthropologie dress risk being seen with an affliction tee?  these boys are not deserving of sitting across the dinner table from our dads. they should not have the privilege of watching football with our brothers on the weekends. the crips are the boys who will ask you to 'hang out,' not take you on date and show you off. these are the boys who will call when they feel like it, or are bored...which isn't often. so we have decided that although we have been intrigued by them in the past, we are cutting back on them in the future.

so here's to the good boys, the bloods. sorry it took us so long. :)

for those who may be concerned that this is some sort of good riddance to our ridiculous dating lives/stories, you obviously didn't read what we said clearly. we said cutting back not cutting out.  we like to keep it interesting ;)

kisses&disses:

kisses:

-c reading books on gangs. awesome.

-city league basketball. who knew you could gain so much insight on dating in a ghetto gym in downtown phoenix?

-the anonymous gentleman/gentlemen who left not one, but two, bouquets of flowers on our doorstep. you're awesome.

-pest control: thanks for giving us something nice to look at. but nothing else. 

disses:

-warren jeffs. the ultimate cult leader. no, i will not be your wife. 

-the bloods losing the basketball game by 30 points. so much for our metaphor.

-affliction shirts anything. gross. if you're reading this and own it, shred it. now. don't even consider the goodwill cause it wouldn't be doing anyone any good.

status update: in a relationship (no, not us. be real.)

let's take a minute to be honest here. very honest. we all love facebook (yes, even you). and for those of us who are currently single, facebook is most certainly a means of finding your next crush. allow us to educate those who may not be familiar with how you turn a facebook crush into a real life one. from the first profile view to the first encounter, all the way to the first date, we have been there multiple times and consider ourselves experts on facebook stalking. after you read this, you may want to update your profile... you never know who may be looking ;)

first encounter:
spot an attractive person of the opposite sex that looks awfully familiar. wait. they are familiar. why? because you already know them. how? from clicking through multiple profiles and tagged pictures and somehow months ago ending up on their facebook page. since then, its been a favorite to check. daily. you just want to know what they're doing, right?  you can confidently say you know what their favorite band is, where they went for labor day, and if you're lucky, what they look like without their shirt on (we've all got a little shallow in us). control yourself. it's almost like seeing a celebrity the first time you spot them in real life. be aware of your surroundings... their friends could be anywhere, and things could go downhill quickly if they overhear you say,"look! its _____ from facebook!"

first conversation:
make eye contact. begin a fake conversation with your friends that makes you look fun. tell a joke, make a noise, anything so your brilliant smile is flashing in said crush's direction. even if you're totally, boring...fake it 'til you make it.

if they do not approach you, return to facebook stalking. if approached, please proceed.

a long awaited, real life conversation begins. the next part is vital. you do not already know their name. "forget" it during the conversation if you have to. you do not know where they live, where they're from or their birthday...and year. pretend you never knew they went out of the country to China, or that you've seen every picture from that trip.  pretend you don't know where they served their mission, or that your sister's friend is married to one of their past companions. make sure you don't refer to them as the nickname you and your friends have given them ( like the boy you dubbed "stamos" because he looks like uncle jesse from full house).

first number exchange:
once again, control yourself. don't allow them to realize that this moment is beyond exciting to you. or that you have been planning it in your head...for months. don't text them first. unless you're a guy. then you should be texting them right now. what are you waiting for?

cue texting:
finally you receive the text from facebook crush.  use caution in regards to what information you learned during the first convo and what you learned from people's comments on their wall when you're texting. if you do not, the situation could get very sticky. spell out your a-game. good texting is key to getting a date with said facebook crush.

the long awaited friend request:
congratulations! you're now official facebook friends! this is a big deal. don't be disappointed when you accept and realize you already knew all of the information that you now have socially acceptable access to. try not to get too jealous of all the members of the opposite sex they are in tagged photos with. your time will come.

first date:
you're on your own from here. girls, take your time in putting on that adorable outfit you've thought about wearing on this very special occasion. boys, get creative....and wear cologne.  good luck! and if it doesn't work out, don't worry. there are over 400 million facebook users. we have confidence you will find someone new to cyber stalk.




kisses&disses:

kisses:
-there are over 400 million users on facebook.
-pre screening potential dating candidates. thank you facebook for helping us eliminate people based off of completely superficial reasons.

disses:
-people who don't have facebook. who the f do you think you are??
-people who do not post their relationship status. deceit and wasted hours of stalking.




post script.
on your next facebook break, please look at this really awesome blog! more of why they are our favorites coming soon!

stupid is as stupid texts.

guess what?! l went on a date saturday. on sunday morning she received this text. this text is not from the boy she went on the date with. it was from an unnamed boy she hung out with on thursday night. guess he was on a date this weekend too??

kisses&disses:

kisses: 

-there are no kisses given out this week. blog kind or real kind. 

disses: 

-here's an idea! why don't you proofread your spelling. and while you're at it, check to make sure you're sending your texts to the right girl. i "fill" like i'm living a teenage dream nightmare.

the "grenade"

because one of the members of hackberry place was a resident of new jersey for much of her young life, terms from the show jersey shore are frequently used... constantly might be a more appropriate word.. ok, so l is wearing a GTL shirt right now.  the jersey shore phrase we want to educate our readers on today is "taking the grenade."

urbandictionary.com defines the grenade as an "a guy/girl that you're not interested in who is jumped on for the sake of your friends."  ... similar to the times of war when the enemy tosses a grenade over the lines and a comrade jumps on it to ensure the safety of others.  used in a sentence: come on dude, you owe me, i took the grenade last time.

if jordin sparks didn't make this clear to everyone, love is a battlefield.  and the battlefield is full of eligible bachelors and their less than desirable roommates/coworkers/high school friends/frat bros/dog sitters, etc.. known as grenades.  we will now share with you l&c's most recent encounter with an ever-dreaded"grenade."

it was a hot arizona july night.  l&c were sweating (while maintaining their adorable appearance - alliteration, 2 points) on a front lawn of a house party.  ghetto.  c was lovestruck the second she saw "maroon 5". she didn't mind spending every day outside his window in the pouring raaaaain.  wait.  we're in arizona.  it's a desert, it doesn't rain.  but she did think "m5" was hot.. and older.. and hot.. and funny... and did we mention hot??  anyway, "m5"'s roommate ("flip phone") wasn't mad about meeting l.  in fact, within 15 minutes of meeting her, he had maneuvered her number into his flip phone address book (red flag #624 - you'd be surprised how smooth a guy with a flip phone is at getting digits) and was texting her the next day.  unfortunately for c, "m5" had an iphone, and maybe he was new to the apple world?  but he didn't quite have the skills that "flip phone" did at getting digits.  and so the texting between l and "fp" commenced.  and it was annoying.  l was completely disinterested in "fp", but by responding, and l keeping in touch, the potential of c seeing "m5" again increased. and because that's what good roommates do: sacrifice their time and texts to help their roommate find true love, i.e., "take the grenade."

after weeks of l suffering, looking at her phone still waiting for "bP" to call, and only getting texts from the dreaded "fp", a double date was arranged.  it was going to happen.  c, the beauty queen of only 18 (ok, 22), was finally going to see "m5."

c spent hours making sure she looked perfect for the big night.  l, on the other hand, took her time checking facebook, blogs of random families, sports scores, researching owl migration patterns, and doing anything to avoid getting ready for this date.  five minutes prior to pick-up, l threw on some jeans and ran a straightener through her hair.

the date was fun.  l rode in the front of the truck with "fp", while c and "m5" got cozy in the back.  that's not true.  c could have sworn there was a soundtrack to her date which had maroon 5 songs on repeat.  "m5" was everything she thought he would be, but by the end of the night, he still didn't have her number.  the front of the truck date was not the same as the back of the truck date.  l spent her evening warding off "fp" advances, and doing her roommate duty of taking the grenade.  l may or may not agree that the date was fun... c wrote this paragraph.

it's been a few weeks since that magical evening.  "fp" to this day continues to pursue l.  c, who's digits never made it into the iphone, spotted "m5" and his new girlfriend at dinner yesterday.  have you heard the new maroon 5 song, misery?




kisses&disses

kisses:
- adam levine is hot.
- a roommate who takes the grenade.  everyone has to make the sacrifice sometime.  have YOU done any good in the world today?
-  owls migration patterns are nomadic and irregular.  kind of like our dating lives.  and lauren's period. kidding.  love, c

disses:
- guys with flip phones.  allow us to introduce you to the 21st century, where phones have internet, touch screens, and don't require you to pull up an antenna to get service.  can you hear me now?  good.
- outdoor parties. in july.  in arizona.  don't have them.  leave immediately if you end up at one.

------

in other news, the lead singer of lfo died today.  let's take a moment to remember our summer girls who look like abercrombie&fitch models, and thank the man who put our memories to lyrics.  rest in peace rich cronin.  when you meet st. peter, tell him your name is rich... but stop there.