slow your roll, gents.

remember when we said we were going to blog about pda? well we found something better. from someone we wouldn't mind having a little pda with. his name is 'el capitan'. for those of you who don't speak spanish...that means 'the captain.' he has given us advice in many situations (what to say back to a text, how to act on a date, how long to wait before returning a call, etc..) and we listen. this classy, smooth talker knows what he's doing and can shed some light on many dating scenarios.  we have invited him to guest blog and know that you won't be disappointed. without further ado....

So you ladies think guys are mysterious?  And that we like to play the games?  Well, I offer a different opinion, not saying it is totally the right one, but a pretty legit opinion for sure… I mean, I know people… and I’m a guy.

Let me break it down as simple as I can for you.  First, the movie “he’s just not that into you.” Well, sadly it is pretty much the truth!  Unless the dude is smart, and recognizes that you might be into games, and figures he can play right along with you, and maybe beat you at the game, and gain control…  and then he realizes, you are better than him. :)

 

Second, guys are simple. We like to be around girls, laugh with them, hold them, smell them, and as often as possible kiss them.  I don’t mind at all when I get home at night and I smell my clothes and they have the scent of beautiful women, in fact, I love it!  We want to be with girls almost all the time, except in my case when an important game is on.  No offense ladies, but when my team is playing, I need to be focused. I need to let this emotion take me where it is going to take me.  Hey, you’ve got a 50/50 chance I’m gonna be super happy after.  Some years are better than others. Years like this one, we just have to learn how to deal with defeat and find pleasure in other things, like you!  But during the game isn’t the time to have “the talk” or discuss other trivial matters, which is anything not related to the game at that moment.  

Third, games… we don’t like to play 'em. Well, not of the emotional variety... sport games or x games, yes.  Emotional ones just make us confused and want to go back to playing more football. 

But let me explain something to the guys, if you are a true player, and you play to win, to win that girls heart, you must indulge in a little bit of game playing.  So let me break this down for you all, at least for the fellas sake…

In dating we all play games, at least to a certain extent.  And let’s be honest, they must be played.  We can’t throw all our cards on the table after one date and say hey, this is me, I like you, let’s do this… when’s the wedding?  As mentioned in l&c's earlier post, the ladies love the mystery.  They love the bad boy, and unfortunately, they don’t always like to be treated with respect or like a lady.  They want to be played a little, teased a bit.  They hate it when a guy doesn’t call, or doesn’t text and keeps them guessing, or keeps them up at night wondering what is going on, what are you doing???  But it’s that hate that drives them to love.  Because they want to be the one to break through, they want to tame you, they want to be the exception!  Have you ever seen Man from Snowy River?...  If they have you figured out, and can read you like a book and you are totally predictable, you might as well be as boring as a RM fresh off of his mission.  Sad to say, but not many girls are looking for that guy.  At least not too many girls reading this blog.

Guys, let me break it down for you.  If Ron Burgundy didn’t teach you anything, let me recap it for you… Best pickup line ever… “I wanna be on you.”  Try it.  I mean, 60% of the time, it works every time!  Ok, seriously though, guys, SLOW YOUR ROLL…  what happens when a train goes too fast down the track? It derails, crashes and burns, and so will you! So let me explain this.  As I mentioned before, women love the mystery.  If you got a girls number at a party, and you’ve already texted her by the time you left that party, you’ve lost. You stole the mystery right out of her heart. You are now boring and totally predictable, and she is in total control!  Aka, in girl speak, she’s just not that into you…  You need to wait, slow that roll...  yep, the old rule of 72 hours still exists, guys.  Wait 48 to 72 hours before you text, call, OR friend request.  It’s just long enough to make them wonder if you forgot about them, but not too long that they forget about you.  Start off playful, no serious stuff please!  Leave all the lame "get to know you" crap to your first or second date. If you want this to go anywhere you’ve got to show your sense of humor, show you are clever, thoughtful, and all that fun stuff.  I like to call this "flexting" (flirt/texting).  Spice it up a bit, but keep it appropriate (most of the time), you don’t want her thinking you’re a creep.  Oh, and don’t text 24/7. Give it a rest after a bit and let a day or two go by before you start back up again.  Then eventually get around to asking her out on a date.  Don’t do it too quick.  You’ve got to make her wonder whether or not you are going to seriously ask her out and pursue her, or if she is just another girl you are going to text, flirt and possibly invite over for a movie…  Haha, grow up dude, take the lady out on a date!

If l&c have me back, I’ll try to break out some first date wisdom on y'all.  Maybe mix in a horror story here n there.  Until then, slow your roll gents!

we can assure you of one thing. the captain will be back. and we hope you are ready for more.

a match made in heaven.

remember our post about facebook stalking? well, there is another form of internet stalking we'd like to introduce our readers to today. blog stalking. this type of internet creeping provides us insight into the lives of families, decorators, photographers, musicians, newlyweds, owl migration researchers, etc. etc. more often than not, the subjects we stalk are people we do not know. just like all of you people reading this who have never met l or c or l&c. creep ;) often they are people who you never think you would come across in real life. although that was not the case for l as she stood in line at a restaurant on main st. in mesa and recognized a baby. not because it was one of her friends children or because she is involved in the east valley baby sitting circuit, but because for months she had been blog stalking this family she had never met. and when we say recognize, we mean she knew the baby's name, the mom's name, how old the baby was and how much the baby weighed at birth. hilarious. we digress. the point of this post is to share with you a blog we are confident that you will now stalk as well.

for a little while...okay months, we stalked this one blog in particular. it provided us with beauty tips, outfit ideas, how to blow dry our hair properly (we were hot messes before) and so many more fun fashion facts (alliteration - 3 points). eventually, there came a point in time where we decided that it would be appropriate to take this relationship to the next level. no, we didn't find out where they lived or drive past their house, we simply hired them to beautify us.

our friend annie randall, found here, who is an uhmaaazing photographer (you seriously need to blog stalk her as well), was doing a roommate photo shoot for us (let's be honest, we just wanted new profile pictures). and so it seemed that we had the perfect reason to meet mrs. courtney rogers and mrs. hillary darner. they are the creators of the blog we stalked.  they come highly recommended by yours truly and can be found here.


without further ado, here is the sum of l&c + h&c + miss annie =

match made in heaven. 

kisses&disses:

kisses:

-h&c, thanks for enlightening us on how 'awesome' pregnancy is going to be. 

-red sofas in the desert. they look so good. and so does annie randall.

-coons bluff. wouldn't that be a really great place to propose to a girl? anyone? guitar hero?

disses:

-besides the fact that hillary and courtney are not on our payroll to always make us look this glam, we have no complaints. 

the good, the bad and the...we try to stick with handsome.

last week we had the opportunity to attend a city league basketball game. there was a red team and a blue team. we will refer to them from here on out as the bloods and the crips...the only reason we knew the proper spelling for crip was because c read a book on gangs. true story. anyways, we were cheering for the bloods. this team was composed of attractive, clean cut, young professional, returned missionary-ish, boys. any girl would be lucky to have one of these boys as her own. were we giving them our undivided attention? no. we kept getting distracted by the scruffy, tatted up crips who definitely spent the majority of their high school years in ISS or ditching class like it was their job. why you may ask? that is what we are here to discuss. 

it is the proverbial question: why do good girls like bad guys? 

well, we really aren't sure so i guess we'll move onto the next subject. just kidding. in all seriousness, this is something that baffles girls and guys alike. 

we have created a list of some of the reasons girls are drawn to these types of boys:

their appearance

tattoos: optional. piercings: most likely. do they own a razor: questionable. there is just something about a rough exterior that makes us hope and cross our fingers and pray that they have a less abrasive interior. generally, that is not the case. and by generally we mean usually. and by usually we mean always. think of it this way girls: none of the above listed traits look good standing next to an anthropologie dress.

their reputation

'he don't give a d8%$# about his bad reputation.' but seriously. there is a growing number of boys in the east valley who sell things. including themselves. it's sort of like a club. they recruit and train their members to gtl, play 'the game' and live the dream. their relationship statuses on facebook have been single for years. they are tagged in thousands of pictures (we're not joking and they all have like 1,000 tagged pictures) with girls, who are each hoping to be the exception. news flash ladies: you are the rule. whether this is really who they are or not, it is who they are perceived to be. bug boy=bad boy. so be it.

their attitude

attitude of gratitude? definitely not. they get girls and are not quick to be a gentleman. c came across a well renowned jerk, aka a bad boy, her sophomore year of college. (for all of those back in the sooner state, we are confident that you know exactly who we are referring to) if you spent enough time around him you would start to believe what he thought of himself...that he was far superior to those around him. these bad boys are kind of like cult leaders. no, seriously. we took the time to look up characteristics of cult leaders. "cult leaders have an outstanding ability to charm and win over followers. they beguile and seduce. they enter a room and garner all the attention. they command the utmost respect and obedience. these are individuals whose narcissism is so extreme and grandiose that they exist in a kind of splendid isolation in which the creation of the grandiose self takes precedence over legal, moral or interpersonal commitments." anyway, they're tricky. and although c did her best to avoid this bad boy for years, she did in fact end up joining his cult... but not for long.

now that we have listed some of the really great qualities that make these guys so special, we sit back and ask ourselves again, why would a girl in an anthropologie dress risk being seen with an affliction tee?  these boys are not deserving of sitting across the dinner table from our dads. they should not have the privilege of watching football with our brothers on the weekends. the crips are the boys who will ask you to 'hang out,' not take you on date and show you off. these are the boys who will call when they feel like it, or are bored...which isn't often. so we have decided that although we have been intrigued by them in the past, we are cutting back on them in the future.

so here's to the good boys, the bloods. sorry it took us so long. :)

for those who may be concerned that this is some sort of good riddance to our ridiculous dating lives/stories, you obviously didn't read what we said clearly. we said cutting back not cutting out.  we like to keep it interesting ;)

kisses&disses:

kisses:

-c reading books on gangs. awesome.

-city league basketball. who knew you could gain so much insight on dating in a ghetto gym in downtown phoenix?

-the anonymous gentleman/gentlemen who left not one, but two, bouquets of flowers on our doorstep. you're awesome.

-pest control: thanks for giving us something nice to look at. but nothing else. 

disses:

-warren jeffs. the ultimate cult leader. no, i will not be your wife. 

-the bloods losing the basketball game by 30 points. so much for our metaphor.

-affliction shirts anything. gross. if you're reading this and own it, shred it. now. don't even consider the goodwill cause it wouldn't be doing anyone any good.